


Monstrum

by RaineSage



Category: K/DA - Fandom, League of Legends
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Character Study, Comfort/Angst, Established Relationship, F/F, Femslash, Human/Monster Romance, KDA Polycule - Freeform, Kai'sa needs a hug, Monster Girls, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why Did I Write This?, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:40:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29708298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaineSage/pseuds/RaineSage
Summary: 'If you hurt Akali,' Kai'sa threatened it. 'I will kill you.'
Relationships: Ahri/Akali/Evelynn/Kai'Sa (League of Legends), Ahri/Kai'Sa (League of Legends), Akali/Kai'Sa (League of Legends), Evelynn/Kai'Sa (League of Legends)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 82





	Monstrum

**Author's Note:**

> My original idea was something different, but this fanfic kinda went off on its own and this is the result. Also, I seem to only be able to write between 2 and 7 a.m so this is the result of sleep deprivation and whatever burning desire I had in me to get this written and done with.

It wasn’t as if Kai’sa didn’t know when the anatomy of her body began to change. The time she spent in the void was long. She wasn’t aware of the passage of time while she was there, not when her very existence depended on her fighting for her life every single day.

When first got sucked into the void, she was terrified of all the creatures she knew dwelled in that infinite abyss. While she took some time to realize where she ended up, but once she realized that she's really in _the void_ , she knew that there was no way out of it. No one has gotten out of the void, at least no one she has ever heard of at the time. It was a dark vacuum that sucked all that it could inside of it, never letting anything leave it again.

She has resigned to her fate, eventually. When she first woke up there, she stumbled into the darkness for a while, not realizing where she was at first. She felt as if she had just woken up from sleep, but she wasn’t fully awake yet. Just like being in one of those instances where the brain woke up before the rest of the body did. As her eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, she decided to move around, to try and see where she is. The last thing she remembers is playing with the colorful rubber ball her dad had gotten for her on their way to the mountain park.

They had stopped at a small coffee shop before arriving at the park. On their way out, before getting back to the car, her dad said, "You two go ahead, I'll be back in a minute," She saw him walk in a different direction, entering a small shop that was next to the cafe.

She sat in the backseat of the car, her legs swinging in the air as she waited for dad’s return so that they can continue their drive to the park. On the seat next to her was her small backpack, the one she used to carry some of her toys around. She never took them out when she went to the playground; she didn’t want others to come her way and start touching her toys without her permission. She only begins her toys out when she knows that they will be safe from anyone else getting near them. Her dad returned soon after they had settled back in the car. He came to her side, opening the door. He peeked in, smiled, and placed a round object on her lap before closing the door and taking his place behind the wheel.

She looked down, inspecting the ball he had gotten her. It was small and could easily fit into her hands. She bounced it on her lap for the rest of the drive, admiring its colors and patterns. It was deep red in color, and it was lined with several curved lines; yellow, green, and blue lines were running across different directions, intersecting with one another and breaking apart at some points. Some darker lines were shaped like butterflies, or at least, they looked like butterflies to her. The distance between the butterflies and the other lines were as if the butterflies were flying around, hopping from flower to flower. Just roaming all across the canvas in an infinite loop. She flipped the ball, looking at the lines, imagining different scenarios including the butterflies going through different adventures. At the end of each adventure, the butterflies would return home, sharing stories of what they have done and seen with the other butterflies.

She was so absorbed in her game she didn’t notice the car stopping, nor her dad’s announcement that they have arrived. She looked up at the open backseat door where her mom stood smiling at her before she hopped outside of the car, ball clutched in her hands.

It was a quiet nice spot, there was no playground which suited her just fine. She never liked being in a busy playground with so many kids around. She would usually have her dad accompany her there. It wasn’t that she needed him to sit on a nearby bench and keep watch over her, that was pointless. She wanted him _with_ her. Pushing her on the swings, waiting for her at the end of the slide, and watching over her while she climbed up the ladder lest someone tries to push her on her way up. Her dad has to be where she can easily reach for him.

To come to a place like this where not many people were around, Kai’sa felt good. She can play uninterrupted for hours. She doesn’t have to worry about other kids accidentally bumping into her or rushing her to hurry up. Up here, it was only her and her parents and she felt excited to be playing with her new toy.

Her mom sat on a bench and busied herself with her book, leaving Kassadin to play with her. Not wanting to cause an accident involving a rubber ball flying off course, he decided to move the two of them to a different area just a little bit off of where the bench was. He moved them to a spot that was a big clearing surrounded by thick trees. There was a light breeze, making the tree branches rustle and brush against one another. The weather was mostly clear, a few cotton candy-like scattered around the otherwise clear blue sky.

They spent the next hour or so tossing the ball between them. She got tired after a while, her throws were barely making the ball move and she didn't feel like chasing it anymore.

"Got tired already?" Kassadin nearly chuckled, watching her look at the ball and not picking it up.

"Mhm, no more throwing ball," She admitted.

"Alright, that's fair enough. Let's walk for a little bit, I know there is a small stream around here. Let's go check it out."

They walked side by side, the sound of water drawing them closer towards its source. True to his word, there was a small stream running down between the rocks. Kai’sa looked closer down at the running water, noticing that there were some small fish floating around. She sat down on her knees, balancing the ball next to her to look at them. She didn’t want to lose her grip and end up losing the ball in the stream. While she was decently fast at running, but she didn’t think she could outrun running water. Besides, she will get tired before she can grab the ball. She kept a hand on the ball, keeping it in place while she continued watching the swimming fish.

After some time, she stood up and took the ball with her. She continued walking next to her dad while they explored the place. There was a sudden fluttering of a bird’s wings nearby which startled her. It made her drop the ball, and she saw it roll towards the tree. She decided to chase it before it got too tangled up inside of the line of trees.

“I’ll go get it,” She told her dad, leaving his side and heading towards where she saw the ball rolling.

“Don’t get too far, if you can’t see it then come back,” While Kassadin wanted her to take the initiative and try doing more of these things on her own, he didn’t want to risk her getting hurt or, in the worst-case scenario, to get lost.

“Okay,” He stood nearby, watching her walk deeper into the line of trees.

Kai’sa looked around her as she tried to locate her ball, but she couldn’t see it anywhere. She was about to give up and turn back to her dad when she saw something moving in the corner of her eye. _That must be it_ , she thought, heading towards the direction of the movement.

The trees were forming a thick line that made the place dark. She looked up, trying to see the blue sky above her but she was met with darkness. She stopped walking, she decided to return to her dad and forget about the ball. It was nowhere in sight and this place was making her feel scared. Nothing was moving, there were no birds around and no insects making the usual noises they made in the tall grass.

She turned back and walked in the direction she came from, but she couldn’t see her dad anywhere. The trees were forming a thick wall and she couldn’t see anything beyond it.

"Dad? Where are you?" She called out for him, wondering if he can hear her, as the place was deathly quiet.

Kassadin didn’t respond. She trembled, both in trepidation and at the sudden coldness of the place. She looked around frantically, not seeing any opening in sight.

"Dad...?" Her voice wasn't as loud as it was earlier. She wasn't sure if _anyone_ was around to hear her. She ran in different directions, panic rising. She felt unnerved, she was trapped in this forest and there was no way for her to get out. She tried calling out for her dad again, struggling to quiet down her own cries so that she can hear him if he responds.

There was nothing but silence around her.

Then she saw it. A black chasm showed up out of nowhere, opening like a window not too far from where she stood. She took a step back, wanting to keep as much distance as she can between her and the black hole. She didn’t know what it was, but something told her to stay away from it. She felt that, if she ever wanted to see her mom and dad again, she must not be caught in that expanding darkness. She walked away, but it only kept growing bigger, getting closer. Soon, she was surrounded by blackness. The trees have disappeared from around her, everything the blackness touched disappeared inside of it. She knew it was coming for her, and there was nowhere for her to go to escape it. She closed her eyes and felt her body get jerked forward. It was as if she was sliding down from a high place with great speed.

She didn’t know when the impact was coming.

When she opened her eyes, she realized that was surrounded by darkness. She sat up, looking around her. She was no longer in the small forest. There was nothing around her here. The air felt different, and she couldn’t see or hear anything at all. Her dad was nowhere in sight. She slowly got up on very shaky legs, taking small steps to try and see if she can find a way out of this place. She wanted to call out to her parents, see if they were around here somewhere. But she knew that they weren’t. Whatever this place was, she was here all alone. She felt her heart leaping into her throat, tears quickly springing to her eyes. She wanted to go home. She doesn’t want to be here.

That's when she heard it.

She couldn’t identify the sound or where it came from. It sounded almost like a wild animal, growling in the distance. She forced herself to get quiet, clasping a hand over her mouth, her own heart beating so loud in her chest she was certain that whatever was out there could hear it as well. She wanted to run away from it. But she couldn’t tell which way it was coming from. For all she knows, she could end up running right into it.

She remained still. Listening carefully, trying to gauge the distance between herself and between whatever was crawling not too far away from where she was. She was growing more uneasy as she detected movement she couldn’t see. It made her turn around constantly trying, in vain, to see if something was crawling behind her, or next to her. But there was nothing. Only darkness lay ahead. This place was too dark for her to see anything. At that moment, she realized that she was going to die here. Or was she already dead? Maybe she did die earlier and now she ended up here. Was this why she couldn’t see her dad at all?

Then that she saw it.

She couldn’t really tell what it was, it was still too dark for her to do so, but she could _just_ see something moving not too far from where she was. It was close to the ground, and that was all she could see of it. She couldn’t tell what it was; the shape was darker than the darkness that surrounded her. That was how she could tell that _something_ was moving in her direction. She tried stepping back, instinct making her body move more than common sense did. For all she knows, the thing can be behind her, or next to her. The only thing she was aware of was that there isn’t much she can about it once it decides to attack her.

Instead of awaiting her inevitable fate, she decided to run.

She ran through the darkness. She could feel it growing thicker and heavier the more she ran. Or maybe that was her running out of breath? She didn’t know. All she knew is that she had to run before she gets devoured by whatever that ugly creature was. As she ran, she could hear more of them. The sound of her footsteps hitting the ground was nearly muted by the nearby growls she was hearing all around her. She wanted to stop and inspect her surroundings, but she couldn’t stop. What if she was still being chased? She will only end up getting caught if she stops now.

She grew more tired. It forced her to stop running. She was panting heavily, her hands holding at her knees, she was hunched over trying to get as much air into her lungs as she possibly could. She didn’t want to stop, but she had no other choice. She straightened up and started walking. No longer had she the energy to run. She didn’t know if she was walking in the same direction she was running from earlier. She hated how this place made her feel lost and trapped. It robbed her of every sense that she might get out of here and return to her parents. More than that, this place challenged her senses. She couldn’t see well in the heavy darkness. There were things here… things she could hear but not see. She knows that whatever they are, they didn’t see her as a friend.

She knew that she had to keep moving. She must never stop trying to find her way out otherwise she may never make it out back to the real world. She wanted to yell, she wanted to scream out loud until someone would hear her. But she felt too horror-stricken to do so. Any sound she makes is going to attract the things she’s been trying to run away from. She walked slowly and carefully, making sure not to make a sound that could attract any of the creatures to her. If they saw her and decided to devour her, she knew that she had no chance of fighting them off.

She had seen them fight on numerous occasions. One hideous monster attacking another one. Limbs would be torn, and blood will flow. When she saw something of that nature take place, she would slowly step away and leave. She had seen how these things killed each other, how they dined on their prey, and moved on to look for the next meal. She knows that her time will be up soon. People aren’t meant to survive in the void, this is why they never came back. She was as good as dead now.

She doesn’t know how long she’s been there, but it was long enough for her to understand that she must keep a low profile if she wanted to remain alive.

It happened all of a sudden one day. She was sitting down on a rock, crying softly into her hands, covering her face, and trying to muffle her cries. She knows that she shouldn't be making any sounds, but she couldn't help it. Try as she might, she missed her parents and her life. She wanted to go back home but she knew that was never going to happen. It made her feel despondent; her hands slid loosely into her lap as she let these sensations consume her. By this point, she was fully aware that she will not make it outside of this place. This place was crawling with monsters and all sorts of vicious creatures, and it wasn’t going to let her go. She must have been here for days, or weeks, months even. She doesn’t know how long it was that she found herself sucked into this place. All that she knows is that it’s been too long already. Her parents' image in her head was getting blurry, soon, she will not remember what they looked like. The thought of never seeing them again made her feel so bad she couldn’t stop herself from crying every time she thought about it.

She heard the unmistakable sound of something slithering across the ground. She bit her lip and listened carefully, trying to pinpoint the way it was coming from. She looked around frantically, her eyes scanning the area. She saw it moving fast, almost too fast for her eyes to catch. It kept appearing and disappearing until it was at her feet. It paused for a moment, then it lunged at her.

The heat she felt was intense. It started at her feet and made its way up the rest of her body. The creature scorched her skin as it stretched over it, covering every inch of her. She tried to kick it off of her, tried to pry it away, but it stuck to her like a second skin and refused to budge. She screamed in pain as she felt it set her body aflame, cutting through her skin and pushing itself all over her. Luckily, she lost consciousness not long afterward, sparing herself the worst of it.

When she woke up, things were different. For starters, she could now see the crawling creatures. They were, indeed, all hideous and ugly. She hesitated, if she can see them, then surely, they can see her too, right? She remembered the attack from earlier. How was she still alive after that? That thing was trying to kill her yet here she was. It was then that she felt it; from somewhere within her, she felt the need to approach the monsters around.

Something felt different. Looking down, she saw her fingers were starting to look different, her nails were becoming sharper, they have become claws, ready to rip and shred to pieces. She wasn’t in any pain; despite the transformation, she was going through, her body was not aching her where it was ripping and elongating. She felt scared at what was happening to her, she knows that she’s not supposed to be looking like this. Yet at the same time, she felt calm about it. If she can fight these things, then maybe she can remain alive long enough to maybe escape this place one day.

She was no longer afraid of the monsters. Whatever it was that attached itself to her, it was a strong being. It was alert to any movement around them, plunging into action and killing any monster that happened to be around. Her time mostly consisted of fighting as many of these creatures as they dared come her way. While she didn’t actively seek them out, some of them still attacked her.

She killed them all. Gradually, the monsters would scurry away when they sensed her presence. The weaker ones opting to pick another opponent to face. It worked for her, she was no longer in any immediate danger, but it was never a good idea to let her guard down. She did get attacked several times. Many times, she got injured, her open wounds bleeding for days before they began to heal. She took those incidents as learning opportunities; she identified her blind spots and planned on how to counterattack instead of being caught by surprise. Her survival depended on her knowing how to keep herself alive while everything else here wanted her dead.

During the time she spent in the void, she fought whatever it was that threatened her life. She didn’t quite understand what was happening to her, but she figured that whatever it was that inhibited her body, it was making her able to survive this place. By becoming one with her, it protected her. She knows that without it, she would be long dead by now.

And so, she took it upon herself to grow stronger. She also spent time trying to learn how to be able to use this second skin’s ability. When she wasn’t fighting, her hands would go back to normal. The change would occur at the sign of danger and when she got hungry.

Being able to defeat the void creatures was a two-way street. On the one hand, the weaker monsters kept their distance from her. They knew that they are no match for her, and if they wanted to live to see another day, they better not cross paths with her. On the other hand, bigger, stronger monsters had their attention on her. Luckily, the more she dealt with them, the stronger she became. What has fused with her was not a weakling by any means. With it, she felt confident and her fear slowly dissipated.

She wasn’t only stronger now, but she was also faster. A fleeing voidling had no chance of escaping her claws and teeth. There were no reflective surfaces for her to see if there were any other changes that occurred in her body. The only changes that she was aware of were the ones she could see with her own eyes. She did know that the change went beyond that, however. She could feel her jaw shifting; the air would feel different around her, and every time she opened her mouth, she knew that it was not the size it’s supposed to be. It must have expanded at least twice its original size. At times, after a long hunt that would leave her ravished, she could feel her entire face opening up before she’d dig her teeth into her prey. At those times, she was grateful for the lack of any reflective surfaces.

One day, she was chasing after another creature. She stopped mid-chase, her eyes falling on something unfamiliar. She approached the green thing, noticing that there was a light source coming from somewhere. There were foreign objects. They didn’t belong in the void. Curious, she approached carefully. There was a sudden influx of light that made her shut her eyes and lose her footing in the process.

“Oomph!” She fell, face down, on something soft.

She sat up with her eyes closed. It was too bright, and it made it difficult to see anything. Besides, her eyes hurt when she tried to open them to look at her surroundings. She didn’t know where she was. She tried blinking, noticing that there were… green looking things all around. Confused, she kept walking, her eyes still closed. She was growing more tired the longer she walked. Eventually, she decided to give up and to give it a rest for now. She sat down and tried to get some sleep, wondering how she ended up here, wherever this was.

When she woke up, she was at a different place. She closed her eyes immediately, hating how the brightness made her eyes burn, rendering her nearly blind. She could hear people talking. Wait… This can’t be. She blinked slowly, trying to ensure that what she is seeing is real. She saw two figures standing close to her. A man and a woman. She didn’t know who they are, or where she is for that matter. Although there was a strange sense she felt that she had seen them before, but that was as far as she could recall.

“Are you sure it’s her?” Someone was saying from somewhere.

“It’s her, it’s her.” This sound was closer, clearer. It must be the man she saw.

She learned later that the two people are her mother and father. She also learned that she was at the hospital. Apparently, a hiker found her unconscious near a deserted trail and called emergency services. At the hospital, someone recognized that she was the missing child from a while back and called the police.

She was confused about a lot of things; this is not where she is supposed to be. Something was wrong. Was she caught by one of the cave dwellers? She knows that they can release fumes that would trap their prey in their own illusions, making them more vulnerable and easier to kill. This must be it. She must have been caught by one of them somehow.

But this felt different. Void creatures used horrific illusions and used mental anguish to weaken their enemies. This was something else. It was quiet, it was nice. It wasn’t something the void monsters were capable of. She tried to think. The people, mother and father, were familiar. She doesn’t know where or how, but she just knows. She didn’t feel bad when they were around. Not that they actually left the room.

She was soon released from the hospital. The man, her father, told her about how she had gone missing all of the sudden. "I was watching you going after the ball. You were right there, then you just disappeared," He recalled. She didn't know what he was talking about. She tried to recall what had happened, but her memory drew a blank. She didn’t know what was going on. They keep calling her Kai’sa. A strange yet familiar name she heard a long time ago.

It was… _Her_?

She is _Kai’sa_.

The next few months were challenging for her. She was trying to adjust to a different world. She was at a place where she wasn’t a hunter, where she is not hunted. Things were quiet and peaceful here. Even her second skin seems to have left, now that it’s not needed anymore. It made her feel lonely and scared. How is she going to defend herself without it with her? By leaving her like this, it was sending her to her death. It can’t do this to her, not after all that they have gone through together. Her body felt weird without it slithering around, it almost felt like it didn’t belong to her.

She could vaguely remember things from before she got sucked into the void. Her parents showed her pictures, of herself, of all of them together. Distant memories becoming clearer the longer she stayed with them. Her room was unchanged. They couldn’t’ get themselves to change anything or to even go inside of the room during the time she was gone. Old toys and books were right where she left them on the day they went to the park. 

Sleeping was difficult in this world. She’d lay in the darkness for hours, listening to every sound her ears could pick. Fearing the presence of a monster coming to finish her off. With her second skin gone, she was an easy catch for everything that wished to rip her to pieces. She would drift to sleep at one point, but she never stayed asleep for long. She could see them and feel them coming for her, latching into her and ripping her skin open. She’d see them scurry away and hide around corners when the light turned on all of the sudden and her parents came into the room. She’d tell them about the monsters that were just here, but they always said that there was nothing of the like in the house. 

Several nights later, Kassadin suggested keeping a night light on.

“With the light on the monsters won’t come,” He said as he switched the light on. The room was covered with soft light, not too bright, but it kept the place well lit.

She nodded, not sure how this would go. A least, with the light on, she could sleep easier. Void creatures _hated_ light. Darkness reminded her of the void and its dwellers. After that night, she never slept in the dark anymore.

It was concluded that she has gone through something bad. It was so bad that she couldn’t talk about it. It was so bad that her memories were all messed up because of it. She was having a lot of nightmares and being around many people made her panic. She learned that there was something called PTSD. She also learned from her therapist that she has it. She was taking different medications to make her feel better. She didn’t think that they will, but she took them anyway. She didn't want to stay like this. She wanted to not be scared anymore and if those pills were going to help her with that, then she will take them.

Being back in this world again was something she had to get used to. She had to remember how to speak again. In the void, no words were needed, that sort of sound was going to get her caught and killed. But here, she needed to speak.

Words have escaped her; she didn’t know what things are called and it made her feel out of place. There was another doctor she had to see to help her find her words again. It wasn’t working at first, but after a while, she started remembering the words. Her voice returned eventually. There was no point in knowing all the words she needed if she couldn’t say them out loud.

School took a lot of her time. She didn’t mind going because it was during the day. She liked some classes and assignments gave her something to do when she got home. She never walked to school or took the bus. Her parents would drop her off and pick her up in the afternoon. Her therapist wanted her to try and walk home. Said something about doing things differently. She agreed, under one condition. One of her parents must be there with her.

One afternoon, she was walking hand in hand with her mother back home from school. She kept her head down and avoided looking at other people milling around. She preferred they take the car, but her parents were adamant about doing these things once a week or so. While she was walking, her eyes were downcast, never seeing anything above people’s kneecaps as they continued to walk.

Every now and then, she’d glance higher up. Catching a shop window or look at an advertisement billboard. When she looked up after counting all the way up to thirty-five from the previous attempt, she spotted a square poster propped up on the ground. Looking up to inspect it, she saw a picture of a ballerina and class times written on the poster.

“Do you want to check it out?” Her mother asked, having noticed her stopping and looking at the ad.

She nodded.

She loved dancing. From the time she signed up for her first class, she immediately threw herself into it. The way her body moved to the beat of the music gave her a feeling unlike anything else he had felt before. For the first time in so long, she felt _alive_. She felt _free_. It wasn’t only ballet, while she loved it, she also wanted to explore different forms of dance. She spent many hours practicing, going over each move multiple times, and all of her efforts paid off at one point or another. With dance, she didn’t have to pretend or hide. She would let her body move and that, alone, felt liberating.

She was mostly adjusted back to her life in the real world. Years have passed since her return from the void, and she felt more confident about her presence in this world. She was meeting more people; she had a small circle of friends both in school and in dancing class. As she got older, she decided to start planning for her life and future.

She wanted to go to university. It was a scary move for her, as she still struggled with big crowds and unfamiliar environments. School was becoming easier because she eventually got used to seeing the same people every day. Besides, with school, she can be back home by the evening, and it was manageable. Going to university would be a different challenge. For one, it’s a much bigger place than school, with a lot more people. She will have to live away from home and try to adjust to all of that. It was discouraging, but she wanted to give it a try.

To make the move easier for her, her parents reasoned that it would be better to get her own place instead of staying in the dorms. They can easily find a place in a quiet area and she wouldn’t have to worry about running into all sorts of people on her way in or out. They looked around a few real estate agencies, and at the end, they settled on a small house in a quiet neighborhood. It was better than an apartment, and her parents felt better about her being in a relatively safer place than being in the city. Luckily, there was a dance studio nearby, and she enrolled as soon as she moved to her new house. They were also not that far away from her; it was only a two-hour drive that she could easily make over the weekend if she felt like coming over for a visit.

One day, after a long day of classes, she felt her long gone symbiote come back. She was at her house, working on an assignment when suddenly, a familiar heat erupted all over her body. It was as if her body was being set on fire. She had pushed it to the back of her head, especially these past few years, to the point where she nearly forgot about it. Nearly. Try as she might, she couldn’t totally forget it. It still plagued her dreams, reminding her of a time she didn’t want to think about. It remained doormat for years, only to return now. Fortunately, it was familiar enough for her to remember how to control it. It might have done as it pleased in the void, but this here was her domain.

She knows what it wants. She could _feel_ it. She could notice the changes taking place as well; her fingers were expanding in length, her nails growing longer and sharper. She knows what it wants, she has to give it to it. On her way out she stopped by the hallway mirror, noticing how her jaw was transforming, stretching to the side of her face, almost to her ears, revealing another set of sharp teeth ready to sink into flesh. She knows that she must feed it before it goes berserk. She pulled her hoodie over her head, covering her face. She got into her car and sped towards the woods. There should be plenty of animals there for it to hunt.

Bright sunlight forced her to open her eyes. She was laying on the grass, face up. She looked around, noticing the half-eaten deer not too far from where she was. There was dried blood on her hands, but other than that, everything else was normal. As normal as it could get considering the creature that lived inside of her. She pulled herself up and walked back towards her car. Once inside, she checked her face in the mirror. Her jaw was back to normal, the blood on her face was the only indication that she didn’t dream all of that bloodbath yesterday.

She is a monster.

* * *

When Kai’sa was offered to join K/DA, she was nearly ecstatic. But she had to turn the offer down. She is not safe to be around other people. Since the return of her symbiote during her freshman year at university, she has come a long way when it comes to sensing it and controlling it. She can feel when it was starting to become restless when the hunger started to take over. She reasoned that she can technically join the band, as long as she keeps on paying attention to how her second skin reacted.

A lot has happened since she has become a member of the band. Not only did she not expect to fall in love with the rest of her bandmates and for them to love her back just as much, but she also learned that two of the band members weren’t quite human themselves. While Evelynn and Ahri were very comfortable with who they were, she couldn’t share their sentiments. Ahri was a cute nine-tailed fox that brought joy to all of them. Evelynn was a demon who would occasionally use her abilities to escape situations she doesn’t want to be in. At times, it was comical to see her ghosting out of a situation she refused to compromise with, leaving Ahri appalled and gawking at the empty space that’s been occupied by the Diva moments earlier.

Her? She was a **predator**.

She kept that part of herself hidden from them and focused on her work instead. She had a plan in place, there was no way that she would risk putting any of her lovers in danger. Although she knows that Evelynn and Ahri are capable of defending themselves, it was Akali who she worried about the most. Luckily, her symbiote didn’t need to feed often. When the desire arises, she simply leaves the house. It wasn’t anything too drastic, she would pack and let them know about her absence.

“I’ll be away for a couple of days,” Is what she usually said before taking off.

She would rent a cabin in the woods. She has searched carefully, making sure that there will be no other people around. She would drive all the way to the cabin and for as long as she’s there, she will let it hunt and feed to its heart’s content.

The stench of blood was difficult to get off. She hated it. She would scrub at her skin over and over, knowing that no matter how well she cleans it, it will always be there. After the two days of hunting and ripping animals apart, she would spend the third day sleeping. Blood doesn’t really wash off of clothes. She would usually toss her bloody clothes in the fireplace, watching them burn and turn to ashes before she would be ready to return back to her girlfriends.

Overall, she had full control over her symbiote. It behaved as long as it was being fed. They had an understanding and they both honored their ends of the deal. It would give her a warning, a little nudge to remind her that it was time very soon. She knows that she can’t ignore it. She sets out in the middle of nowhere in hopes that she can keep it satisfied for months to come.

Being a pop star made her feel anxious about it. What if it starts getting hungry while they are on tour somewhere? In many foreign places, she couldn’t just up and leave. Not for the amount of time that she needs to satiate her symbiote’s hunger at least. Turning against anyone who happens to be around was a possibility. But it was a risk she will never take. Between herself and those she cared about; she will always choose them first. Period.

* * *

The K/DA house was quiet. The four of them were all staying at home, resting after the hectic last few weeks they’ve had. They mostly wanted to catch up on sleep and do nothing aside from laying down on the couch and watch tv. Akali was up in her room playing video games, only coming down every now and then to grab a snack in-between rounds of gameplay.

“What are you all watching?” The rapper said, flopping down on the couch next to them, resting her head on Kai’sa’s lap as she watched the big screen taking up most of the wall.

“Some true crime documentary, it’s been so hyped I want to see what it’s about,” Ahri said.

“Is it worth it?”

“He’s very sloppy and the police are idiots for not catching him much earlier,” Evelyn was half watching the tv and half scrolling through her social media page. But she was keeping up with what was being said on tv.

“Yeah, it’s a shitshow,” Ahri laughed, still watching.

It wasn’t much about the show, they were more into taking the time to relax and have some quiet downtime together. It wasn’t often that they had the time where all four of them would be free. Whenever these times occurred, they all wanted to take advantage of it and spend that time around each other.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror, having just finished brushing her hair, she let it down while she considered going to bed. She was getting slightly tired and she decided to go to sleep. She will be getting up early in the morning anyway, so might as well get as much sleep as she can. It wasn’t every night that she could switch off her racing thoughts and manage to fall asleep not long after her head touches the pillow. If it was an early night for her, then so be it.

Her ear picked up on the light footsteps outside of her room. The scent of fresh blood pulsating through veins… The realization of what was happening nearly knocking her off of her chair. It was acting up. There were no warnings this time. It deiced that it wants to feed, and it wants to do it _now_.

“Bokkie, are you alright?” It was Akali knocking on her door.

It moved, she could feel the transformation coming and she couldn’t do anything to stop it. She was not going to let it win. It cannot start acting out on its own and she would not just let it do as it pleases.

 _If you hurt Akali_ , she threatened it. _I will kill you_. It will most likely cost her life, but as long as she kept her girlfriend safe, she was willing to do it. She will never allow the void creature living inside of her to lay a hand on any of her girls.

She needs to get out of this house.

“I’m fine,” She told Akali, who thankfully was still waiting outside.

She quickly grabbed her hoodie from the nearby chair, putting it on hastily, pulling the hood over her head. She was beginning to transform; she could feel it happen already. Before hiding her face, she caught sight of the lines appearing on her jaw. Her nails were already long and sharp.

Akali was too close.

She has to do something before it’s too late. She needs to get out, once that is done, she can worry about the rest later. She trembled at the door, knowing that Akali is still outside of it. While she can still fairly control her raging symbiote, there was no telling how it was going to react in the presence of potential prey.

 _Akali is not prey_ , she growled at it. It cowered slightly as if it was finally listening to reason and holding back until she gets them somewhere that would allow it to hunt. Taking advantage of that, she pushed the door open. She kept her head low, her hair was falling to the sides of her head, covering the sides of her face. She didn’t look up towards the now confused Akali, she didn’t have the time for any sort of conversation. Her symbiote wasn’t going to remain quiet for long. Besides, she couldn’t let Akali or the others see her like this.

“Going somewhere?” The shorter girl asked, both curious and confused.

Kai’sa didn’t respond, she nearly sprinted to the stairs, putting as much distance between her and Akali as she could. Once at the main door, she put her shoes on.

“Going for a night run, Bokkie?” Ahri asked her.

She didn’t respond nor look back towards her. Once her shoes were on, she left the house. By that point, she could feel the fangs ripping through her face. Her body has erupted in a fire like never before. She must leave now before it decides to feast on who’s present in the house instead of going to hunt.

Once outside, she started to run. There was no forest around the city, which makes things a little more challenging. There were some parks with a lot of trees, a place full of raccoons and squirrels and other animals of the like. She ran towards one of the bigger parks. The bigger it was the more trees there were. The more trees, the more animals that were present. She was mostly glad that she got out of the house. The girls were safe, and it was all that mattered.

When she came to, she was confused and disoriented. There was a trail of dead animals around her. She let it take control as long as it remained within the tree line, hidden from the rest of the world. Her memories of what happened were hazy, all she could remember was the blood. It was everywhere, covering her vision and making her feel dizzy as its strong coppery stench hung in the air around her.

She sat up, one bloody hand brushing her hair to the side of her face. She was still not transformed back to normal. This will take some time. She was all bloody and messy, she wanted to go home and shower. Hopefully, the others will be asleep by now and they will not see her come in looking like this.

“There you are, Bokkie,” Ahri’s voice startled her.

Wait--- What was Ahri doing here? This was not how things worked.

She looked away, her back turned towards the gumiho. While the place revealed the mess from earlier, she didn’t want Ahri to see her like this. To see the monster that she was, see what she is capable of doing. She wasn’t safe enough to be around them if she was doing this of this scale. She should have kept her distance from the start.

“What’s the matter, darling?” Ahri wasn’t alone. Eve was there as well and now she felt worse than she did earlier. To have both of them see her in the aftermath of one of those _episodes_ … She wanted to be swallowed up by a giant hole in the ground.

Her senses were still sharp. She could hear the approaching footsteps coming slowly towards her. Ahri was soon standing right behind her. The blonde was always the one who took initiative in any situation. She always seemed to know what she was doing, although what she said wasn’t always ideal, but it was what they all needed to hear. She knew what to say to who. Despite the stunts she seemed to pull every time she got bored; she was someone Kai’sa would trust with her own life.

For that reason alone, she didn’t want Ahri to see her like this. To see her for what she truly is. She pulled the hood further down her face as she felt Ahri’s arms wrap around her from behind. She sank into the gumiho’s embrace, feeling her eyes well up with unshed tears.

“I…” She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t say anything to help her case. This was her; all of this massacre out here was her doing and it wasn’t going to stop. The place was a mess, she was a mess and the people she trusted and loved the most were right here to witness it all.

“You didn’t have to keep it to yourself for so long,” Ahri almost whispered to her.

“Y-You knew…?” How? She always made sure to conceal all traces of any of those incidents.

“We sensed it as soon as we met you, doe,” Evelynn responded, coming in front of her.

It still didn’t make any sense to Kai’sa.

“But… _How_?”

“Eve and I aren’t human, remember? We knew about the creature infused within you from the start. We could _sense_ it, in a way,” Ahri explained. It made sense, but Kai’sa was still trying to process it.

“We were wondering when you were going to be ready to tell us,” Ahri continued.

She was still not fully grasping what Ahri was saying. Did she and Eve know about this? For how long? Why did they keep quiet about it? Maybe… They ignored it while she was capable of handling it. What happened earlier… Putting Akali in danger like that was not something they would tolerate. It’s probably why they’re here.

“The end of the line…” She mumbled. She knows that it’s safer for everyone if she moved out. She is not against it. They can still work together like usual, but they will be safer with her being somewhere else.

“Look at me, Bokkie,” Evelynn’s hand was on her chin, she couldn’t evade the demoness’ piercing golden gaze.

“I will _not_ hear of such talk again,” There was a mild threat in Evelynn’s commanding tone. It made Kai’sa shudder slightly, an all-familiar tingle going down her spine. “You are important to all of us. You might have gotten this transformation at one point in your life, but it doesn’t take away from who you are,”

“How do you know I wasn’t… Like **this** from the start?” She wanted to know.

“Your behavior,” That didn’t clear things up.

“You’re trying to hide it,” Ahri explained, still holding into her. “The times where you’d leave without much of a notice, going somewhere where we can’t see you or be around you. That tells us that you’re still not comfortable with it, you don't want us to see or to be around it. We will not push you to change how you feel; that is for you to deal with. We just want you to know that you don’t have to hide away from us. No matter what happens, baby, we will always love you,” She felt like crying once again, but she stopped herself. Now wasn't the time.

“What about Akali?” She asked.

“She’s waiting back home. She’s worried about you,”

“Does she know?” For some reason, this seemed like the most important question right now.

“She kind of put two and two together,” Evelynn said. “Whenever you got frantic and left us hastily, she often wondered why we weren’t doing anything to stop you. One time too many, she figured out the possibility of you being one of _our_ kind,”

They knew. They all knew about her, yet they said nothing. Ahri and Evelynn were good at keeping things under wraps. It made her feel better knowing that they secretly knew. She knows that despite her worries, they would not have allowed any harm to befall Akali.

Akali… She was ever so close. Never had the rapper tried putting any distance between them or give off any indication that she was aware of the nature of her symbiote. Just two nights ago they were sleeping in the same bed, their bodies tangled together.

“Come on, let’s go back home,”

Ahri’s hands moved from her shoulders. Evelynn helped her stand up, and she tried to steady herself on her tired legs. Luckily, the car wasn’t parked far from where they were. She was exhausted from events she doesn’t remember. Whenever her symbiote wanted to feed, she normally would let it take control and do as it pleases. As long as it wasn’t hurting anyone. This was her condition to let it roam free. There are so many details she was lucky she didn’t recall. Hopefully, by the time they make it back, she would be looking somewhat like she normally does. Aside from the blood that’s covering her, that is.

Ahri got in the backseat with her. Too tired to sit up, she opted to lay down. She curled up on Ahri’s lap as Evelynn took her place behind the wheel. The drive was quiet. While she didn’t fall asleep, she enjoyed Ahri’s fingers caressing through her hair. Despite what they have seen, her girlfriends still felt the same about her. They weren’t afraid, they weren’t repulsed, they were strangely okay with all of it.

Akali greeted them at the door. Kai’sa wanted to avoid meeting her while she still looked like a disgusting mess. She stayed behind Evelynn, keeping her head low and covered with the hoodie. She almost fell over when Akali tackled her in a tight hug that nearly knocked the air out of her lungs.

“Come on, let’s get you ready for bed,” She didn’t have any energy left to argue or to pull herself away from Akali’s hold. She could have easily slipped her arm away, just a small tug and she would be free. Instead of doing that, she inched closer towards Akali as they both headed up the stairs towards Akali’s room. “Mine’s closer,” It wasn’t as spontaneous as the rogue made it out to seem. Akali had her clothes folded and waiting on the bed. She could hear water running from the bathroom, as the door was left slightly ajar.

She was going to go for a shower to clean herself up before she would try to sleep this night off. Or try to. Sleep never comes easily after these incidents. While her brain doesn’t physically recall much of what had happened, it will play her a nice recap once she falls asleep. That wasn’t a battle she could win, ever. Sleep wasn’t a big issue; she can just lay down for a few hours and she will be fine. Besides, there were more pressing things she needs to take care of first. She needs to clean herself up, then she has to apologize to Akali.

“Come with me,” Taking her by the hand, the rapper walked them both to the bathroom, closing the door behind them.

The bathroom was dimly lit. The only light source was coming from the backlit mirror which engulfed the place in warm light. Steam was coming from the now half-full tub. Akali stopped the water flow and was back to her side.

Not much was said between them. Even after she sat in the hot water, letting its heat ease her tense muscles, she still had a hard time looking at her girlfriend. The scent of lavender diverted her attention away from the stench of blood that invaded all of her senses.

“Talk to me, Kai,” Akali used a wet washcloth to clean the blood that was on her face.

“It’ll get ruined,” She nearly pulled away from the warm washcloth.

“Let it get ruined. We can get another one.” Akali inched closer, not letting her escape.

She didn’t pull away after that. Akali was persistent and she didn’t have the energy to push her away. On the contrary, she was grateful for her presence. She was ashamed of what she is, the things that did and now to have it all… Out there. She didn’t know how to feel about it. While she was delighted that her girlfriends still loved her just the same… She still couldn’t shake this feeling off.

She had blood all over her. It had run down her neck, going all the way down her chest, staining her clothes. These things were always so messy. Cleaning this bloody mess up is supposed to be her job, not Akali’s. But the rapper didn’t seem to think so. She ran the washcloth over the blood, cleaning every inch of her skin.

Akali has always been good to her. From the start of K/DA until now, Kai’sa couldn’t recall a single bad thing that Akali has ever done. On the contrary, she was always very considerate and looking out for her. It should be the other way around, really. But she was too absorbed in her own issues to do the same. To top it off, she kept a lot from her lover. It wasn’t as if there was a right way to talk about this sort of thing. While she did talk about the time she spent in the void, as her persistent nightmares had to be explained, it’s just wasn’t as easy to explain that a void creature has attached itself to her and it needed to feed every now and then, otherwise, it might go berserk. That bit sounds crazy even to her ears, and she was the one living with it on a daily basis.

“Curious?” She asked.

Akali shook her head, “Only if you want to,”

She _wanted_ to. She really did. It’s just that there was no right way to go about it. How does anyone being to explain these things? That they have somehow survived a place that no human is supposed to survive in, that they only did that because a parasitic monster has infused itself with her.

“It’s… I don’t really know what it is,” She knows what it _can_ do. What it needs. “I was in the void…One day it showed up and- I think it’s the only reason I stayed alive there. When I was found, I thought it was gone. It came back years later and now… I’m living with it,”

“Mhm,”

“Akali, I-”

“Now I look so lame next to you three,”

“Wha-”

“Come, the water’s starting to get cold.” She didn’t give her a chance to speak, she pulled her out of the tub and wrapped her in a big towel as they went back to the room where her clean clothes were waiting for her to change into.

She waited until the hairdryer has died down. There was no point in trying to talk over it. It was louder than she can keep up with. She used the time to gather her thoughts. Akali wasn’t bothered by what she is at all. She was expecting her to be a little angry, or even upset about it, but there was none of that. In a way, it made sense. Both Ahri and Evelynn were being that has lived for thousands of years to date. Her story doesn’t sound too far off in comparison to theirs.

“Listen, Kali, I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for, Kai?” It was a genuine question, given her facial expression.

“For not telling you about this earlier,” For not telling all of them. Keeping it from them must have hurt them. It was as if she didn’t trust them enough to let them know about this particular detail.

“Don’t. You don’t have to do that, I--- _We_ understand. This sort of thing is not easy to go through. You were dealing with it on your own in your own way which is really okay,” They were sitting on the bed, Akali sat across from her, facing her.

“Hopefully now that we know, you won’t have to deal with it on your own. We are all here for you, Bokkie. Always. Remember that,”

There it was again. The overwhelming desire to cry was showing itself once again. She could feel the tears pricking her eyes as they gathered. Akali’s arms wrapping around her was the cue that she needed. With her face buried in the shorter woman’s shoulder, she cried her guilt and frustration. The events of the night were catching up to her and she let it out in this emotional release. She was also relieved. Akali was safe, and she knew about her monstrous parts and accepted them. It was more than she was hoping for and it made her ridiculously happy.

Akali adjusted their position to the center of the bed. She laid down without breaking their skin contact, pulling Kai’sa towards her. They remained like this for a while, the rogue not speaking any words, her fingers caressing Kai’sa’s hair and drawing circles on her back. Kai’sa was aware of Akali’s presence around her. She could smell her; she could _feel_ her and every touch she handed out. She wanted more of it. She couldn’t get enough.

“Bokkie?” Akali’s voice broke the silence. The room was quiet for the past few minutes. Kai’sa had run out of tears and energy, her head felt heavy and she wanted to stay in Akali’s embrace for the rest of her life. Her eyes were drooping, the steady heartbeat in Akali’s chest lulling her to sleep.

“Mhm?” It was all she could say at this point.

“I love you,” There was a kiss to the side of her head.

“Love you too,” She managed to say before sleep took over her.

**Author's Note:**

> I still can't explain this dumpster fire but I had to get it out of my system.  
> Comments and kudos are much appreciated~
> 
> I rant about these girls on twitter (@therainebot) on a daily basis and sometimes ideas like this just pop around.


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